7 Habits
Wow God… for one… what is wrong with me? Why can’t i keep up with journaling… and not necessarily journaling, but communicating with You! Lord, i’m detached! and whenever i become detached, i get filled with fear and anxiety. Lord, i pray You’ll help me to stay attached! i pray You’ll help me to get control of my schedule, and commit the first parts of my day to You! for some reason now, i’m putting all of this pressure on myself to do and be all these things… it might be because that’s the paradigm i’ve been taught by Keith, and Bro. Whittle, and others. Lord, i pray You’ll give Bro. Whittle a hug for me! i do love him. But God.. i just keep thinking about how much easier it would be to die and go meet You! The thing i’ve been living for which apparently was to get to ministry…. has now been given to me… And i just feel like it’s a cruel reality, this world! Now i know Troy’s messed up, and the person who encourages me, Keith, is in need of encouragement. i pray for Keith God… what he’s going through has got to be worse than what i’m going through! i pray that You’ll bring him peace today… not a kind of peace that comes from medication, but the kind of peace that he knows it can only come from You! i pray You would help him to see You and know You in ways that he never has. Please give him a manifestation of your love that is extra special, since he is dealing with extraordinary pain. i pray that You would show him the TRUTH! the big heavy thing called truth that not only would crush him, but relieve him also! i pray that for all of us in this time of conjecture and bickering. i can’t help but worry about how this whole thing is going to shape up, and worrying about people leaving the church and worrying worrying worrying! Why is it sooooo hard to remember that You are in control? Why can’t i just remember all the incredible things You have done in my life? Why can’t i remember the things that i can’t understand why Keith and Troy can’t remember? Lord, i’m messed up.. and i’m glad! Cuz that means i always have to come back to You and do this… i love doing this! You are so amazing… It is amazing what You have done in my life… It is amazing what You have done in our church, and in our CR. i was going to pray for growth… Lord, growth is in your hands. i pray that we would be a vessel in this area for You to use. Please keep us a clean vessel used for healing. i know that other vessels are necessary, and that You use pain to teach us, but i pray that we would be humble and learn from Your Word, and Your Holy Spirit, instead by splitting up the church, or causing people to leave angry. Lord, i’ve asked everyone what to do about this Guy situation but You! Lord, i pray You’ll show me what to do. i pray You’ll give me humility and wisdom to do the right thing. On my own, i keep on screwing it up. In my efforts to get help, i think i’ve done a lot of gossiping and slandering. Even if i didn’t think i was, i was speaking from my paradigm, which is missing soooo much truth. Lord, i pray that You would be a salve over the damage i may have or be causing! i pray that Your Holy Spirit would cover my folly and teach truth where i introduced falseness… Lord, i pray You’ll give me the motive and desire to do the right thing! Lord, You know my heart! You KNOW i want to teach tonight and i want to reach people’s hearts, and i want to be honest and open. You know that deep down, i want to be used by You to bring others to You, because YOU made me that way. You put that desire in my heart. i am so thankful for You doing that with me, and i beg that You’ll bring it back! i beg You to make my passion known tonight! i don’t care if it’s not the best speech i’ve given or the most compelling presentation! i want You in it! i want You to be all over it! Lord, You said,
2 Chronicles 7
“When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.â€
Wow! Lord, that is where we are at! We have no rain, and we have locusts devouring our land, and plagues among our people! Lord, i am called by Your name…. YOU CALLED ME BY YOUR NAME! i am trying to humble myself and pray and to seek Your face and i desperately am trying to turn from my wicked ways.
Psalm 139
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Lord if there be any wicked way in me, please lead me in the way everlasting. Lord, you know my anxious thoughts. i want to hand them over to You! Lord, i love You. Thank You for allowing me the access to You where i can rant at any time. Lord, i pray You’ll help me to take advantage of that option all the time… WITHOUT CEASING. i love You. Lord, i give myself to You today! i completely surrender my life and will to You today. i surrender tonight to You to do what You want to do in CR, and in each person’s life. All i have to do is the stuff You put in front of me, and the rest is up to You! Help me!!!!!! Help me remember this! i love You!