Ok I’m applying to a bunch of jobs in Wilmington and elsewhere. God I pray that I’ll get a good design job in Wilmington. I don’t understand Your ways sometimes and I don’t think I actually want to know what the future holds but God I just pray for this. I have been waiting for something. I pray that this is what makes it all worth it! I pray I’ll get a job and we’ll start to pay down debt. I pray that You’ll give me favor in the site of employers. Lord I love You and trust You with my future.

Proverbs 10

He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame.

Lord, I can’t help but wonder if the one who is sleeping in the harvest… God You know I want to do what you want… Even if that means staying here and starting my own business. I don’t know what I’m so afraid of… But it seems like right now I’m afraid of everything! Lord I know this spirit of fear does not come from You so I beg You to take it away from me! I want to have the kind of confidence in You that I know I have had before and I know it can be even stronger than that… But also I know that in some ways that will come when I know what to do with my life!

Lord I also pray You’ll help me with my bitterness/irritation with Kellie! I don’t know why I get so upset with her, but I pray You’ll give me compassion and wisdom with her. I also pray that You would be with her. Please give her a purpose to understand that it’s all about You. I know I didn’t get that when I was her age!

Please forgive me for being so arrogant and judgmental. I think CR is getting somewhat distant and so I really need to connect with You more!

Thank You for allowing/causing me to set that guardrail with my phone! If I haven’t written I here: if I look at ANYTHING pornographic or purposely lustful, then I will get rid of my iPhone and go back to a “dumb” phone! Help me to maintain my purity, and help my yes to always be yes, and my no, no.

Ok and the big thing on my mind: Lord, I really want this job with Dave Ramsey! Lord, I know You know this, but I’m voicing it here. But more than this job, I want Your perfect will for me. I admit, I have no idea what that is… I admit, You have used crazy circumstances to cause some pretty cool things in my life so I shouldn’t question this holding pattern You have me in right now.

But You said, “you have not because you ask knot” so I’m asking for a job… A job where I can fill Your purpose in this life. I’m feeling food vibes about this dave Ramsey job right now but I know You are able, and willing to give me a Great job.

Lord, I love You and trust You with all the trust I can muster!

Proverbs 6 and Our Daily Bread

Dear God.. i am about to fill out some applications for Dave Ramsey’s organization.  i pray that You would give me clarity and wisdom as to what i should write and present.  Lord, You know exactly what You’re doing and i pray that i would do whatever it is that You want me to do.  i pray that If this is the right decision, that Vic and Cindy would be ok with it, and if it’s not that You’ll give me the wisdom to know.  Lord, i just have so much fear built up inside of me, and i just pray that You’ll help me to push through it and DO it!  Just DO IT!  Lord, i know that You are so strong, and i just pray that You’ll give me some of that strength.  i pray that You’ll give me a good job, or find good work, and that i would do it to the best of my ability.  Thank You for all You’ve done for me!  It really is amazing!  i love YOU!!

Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 40

Well God… I just finished PDL and I don’t feel like I’m much closer to my purpose than when I started…. And for some reason the bills keep going up and the income is not. Lord, You have provided for us in amazing ways for the last two years since I lost my job! Lord, I want you to know that I am committed to do whatever You want me to do! And I’m not kidding! I know the plans You have for me are plans to prosper not harm me so I can trust Your direction in my life. So I just pray that You would show me my next step! God You know my heart and You know I’m skittish. With CR I’m either up or I’m down. I never have 100% peace. I guess I don’t expect You to give me that, but I know You can help me figure out my purpose and fill it! Please give me peace and direction, and help me lead my family well! I trust this day to Your care. I trust that whatever I do would be with Your help and direction. I love You!

Edit: I just read September 18th and I prayed You would help me break out of my isolation. I do feel like You have helped me break out of that. Thank You for that answer to prayer!

Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 12:

Jesus, more than anything else, i want to know you intimately! This is true God! i also desperately want You to give me a passion for Your lost sheep! God, if i’m going to be involved with CR at all, You know i need more passion for others and not myself! God, i know that doing CR is a good thing! i prayed that You would make it clear to me, and i feel You have made it pretty clear in my heart, and these are the things that stand out to me: That anything that advances Your kingdom is a good thing! ; That if leaders are burned out (that’s me!) they should take a break. ; That our CR is not going away. ; That i need a passion for the people who have hurts habits and hang-ups… Lord, BREAK my heart for what breaks Yours!!! i mean that so desperately… i don’t want to be caught up in this ball of self-centeredness! i want to advance Your kingdom, not mine! You’ll take care of mine! Please, God, i beg You that You would help me to know You intimately… i know if that happens more and more, that my passion for others will have to grow!

Break my heart for what breaks Yours!

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.

A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?

The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.

A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

These are some truths from Proverbs 18 today. God, i pray again that You’ll help me to do the right thing regarding David and Shannon and Jayme. i also pray that You’ll use the Purpose Driven Life to again help me focus on what my purpose is in this life. i’m so confused sometimes and i really need Your direction. Thank You for giving me a good time with Mia last night. i pray that You’ll help me to be good husband/father/son-in-law today, and to fill that purpose! Thank You so much for our family! it is an amazing provision! i pray that You’ll help me to break out of this isolation that i’ve been in for a while. I love You!

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Phew… God, i don’t know what to do! all i know is that i need You… i need Your wisdom and your direction, and Your Holy Spirit. Lord, i pray that You’ll help me to respond to Jayme’s email both in action and word, the way that You would want me to… in humility and with wisdom.. and above reproach. Lord, You are doing some crazy things in our church, and i don’t know how i feel about it! i also don’t know where i sit with it. Please please please give me wisdom and give me rest for my soul. i don’t like the idea of Generations not being my church… i love this church. But i also want to be where You want to be! Lord if that’s here to be part of the solution, please give me peace and clarity toward that. Lord, i’m also trusting You to tell me which i guess will be an answer to the rest of that prayer, what i should do about CR. If You want me to be in charge and to run with it, give me the tools!!! i feel like in some ways, i’ve been left on my own, but i also know better. i know that i never could have made some of these decisions w/o You. i pray that You’ll just give me wisdom and help me to get back on track! Lord, i hate being far from You… i hate losing You, and i hate being stuck with my own thoughts. i’m so helpless w/o You it’s not even funny! i just pray that You’ll WASH over me in the next couple weeks. Give me peace, wisdom, and clarity for my future! i know You can and i know You will! i love You so much!!! Please help me to be a good daddy for Mia tonight. i love You!

Psalm 100
“Pray and ask the Lord to take the burden of your ministry in exchange for His yoke which is easy and light.”
– http://www.churchvolunteerdaily.com/daily/leading-volunteers/blessing-or-burden-6-tips-for-a-more-enjoyable-and-fruitful-ministry/

Lord, i pray this prayer… that you would take my heavy CR yoke, and that i would take on Your yoke which is easy and light. Lord, i put far too much responsibility on myself to make CR peform or look a certain way. i pray that You’ll help me to drop in Your lap and to do the right thing there. Thank You for allowing me to work from home and how much i’m enjoying that. Lord, i pray that You’ll help me to continue doing that, and that i’ll get enough work to keep doing it. Lord, i love You so much and know that You are in charge. i love You. Please give me wisdom about what do do with CR myself, and if i’m supposed to lead it, please give me the chutzpa needed! i trust You!

Gal. 1

Paul talked about not being a people-pleaser in this passage… i pray that You’ll help me with that. Help me to be a people pleaser today at the CR meeting. Lord, i have no idea why i haven’t written my thoughts out till now, but i should have. Lord, i pray that You’ll give me the wisdom and courage today to say and do the right things. Help me to be honest and transparent. Lord, i trust that today You will speak through me and You will bless my words. i pray that You’ll use me and this ragtag group of CR people to go out to our communities and teach what we’ve learned. Help me to relay that to them. Please help us to have a fire lit under us to go out and do something. Lord, i pray that especially with me… please give me wisdom about what my next step is. Help me to know what the right thing to do is. Lord, i don’t want to live and empty and changeless life where i do nothing for Your kingdom. But at the same time, You put a lot of importance on the family, so i pray that You’ll help me to be convicted about being a better husband, and father! Help me to get back on that and to do a good job! i want my kids to grow up and be thankful for their father, not resentful, or indifferent at best. Lord, i pray that You’ll guide this meeting! Give me the words, and the confidence! Lord, i thank You for Your love and Your guidance in my life. i know You’re not finished with me yet, and that You have greater things in store for my life… i know that because You said You would give me the desire of my heart…. Lord, i am committing my way to You. i don’t know why i say that with a cringe, like i think You’re going to make me do CR. If You want me to do CR, i will do it!! Thank You so much! Again, i’m committing my words and this meeting to Your will and care. i trust that everything that is said today is Your desire and that You will speak through me Your desire!

Revelation 1&2
1 Cor. 3

Dear God…. thank You. Thank You for the baby we’re going to have. Thank You for this work you’ve provided me with Keith. Thank You for helping us get our budget on straight. thank You for providing for us! Thank You for the peace i’ve had during this CR break. Lord… i’m pretty concerned about CR! i’m concerned both about my lack of passion for it, and for everyone else’s lack of passion for it. i’m not sure what to do about it! Lord, i know that You are the Alpha and Omega… You are the inception. Lord, i KNOW that if You want CR to go, that You will make it happen! Lord, i pray that if that is what i am supposed to do, that You will help make that happen in me. Please give me the passion for it i need and the ability to lead that is needed to do it. Lord, i just want to do whatever it is that You want me to do! Sometimes it’s hard to believe that what i’m doing during these down times is what You want me to do because it’s so peaceful and easy. i guess that might be a few indications that it IS what You want me do right now! i guess i’m just saying, “here i am, send me.” i don’t know what it is to do, so i’m trusting on You to show me. and i LOVE YOU! Thank You for allowing me to work with Ryan and Keith. i feel that that has been really great for all of us!